"A car can make you feel worse than an ex-girlfriend"
If that statement has no relevance or effect on you, there's probably little you will understand if you read any further. It may give you insight into a person in your life who has exhibited actions similar to those i am about to describe to you. However, if you have the spirit, the passion and the madness (depending on how you view it) for cars, there's probably a very good chance you will understand me on this. Cars you have owned and passed up can give you emotions very similar to painful breakups. Don't believe me? Read on...
In a way, it IS a painful break up. I have had many a car (auto-slut anyone?) which i then "broke up with". Some of those cars and I have parted ways on good terms. Take my previously loved UK MK3 Toyota Supra:
My first foray into RWD ownership. I "met her" when she was stock. My first real RWD fling, i lavished her with money on trinkets such as alloys and exhausts. She wore them well and sang beautifully, (the spoiler was the fashion back then) but like many relationships when you jump in too fast, she broke my heart. Her head gasket blew, like many 7M powered Supra's do, and the relationship strained. However, it was love, and i persevered with her more than i had previous ex's. I learnt how to spanner properly and restored her to her previous health. But the relationship was doomed. I couldn't trust her any more. When would she next pop, her head gasket doing like an alcoholic lovers temper? I was living in fear. We parted ways on good terms, but i never pined for her. I would always want a car *like* her again, almost identical some would say... but never her. Time would be a healer...
So in that case, it was an ex you remember fondly, but never long for, or truly miss. I have more examples, but they are are harder on the soul. Readers with an emotional temperament, be advised: This gets sad.
My first true love lost. One that you don't get over, and you never heal from. Not a high-school fling for example, but a proper long-term relationship. For some, this may be the first painful break up that you did not instigate, but was thrust upon you. This is how i feel with the Mazda RX3.
We met in 2002. She had a messy breakup with a lad who i later became good friends with (relationships can have strange effects on social lives) and she ended up with me. She was different to all the other RX3's, With a V8 heart instead of the usual rotary stuff, and was exactly my kind of car. I'd say i probably wanted her more than she wanted me. She wasn't well, but i put the time in with her and got her back on the road. This was a rough time for me personally though, especially career-wise. I ended up letting her go as we couldn't afford to stay together, and she oddly ended up back with her Ex who i had taken her from. It all got quite love-triangle, a bit like an automotive Hollyoaks. We broke up and got back together again, but is was a destructive cycle. I had no choice in the end. She left Britain for Australian shores. She always had Australians "chasing after" her, and to this day still does i gather, but i have no idea where she is or if she is well.
That's why it hurts. I often find myself descending into that troubled world of a lover scorned. I trawl the internet stalking her, just to see how she is. I question if she kept her V8 heart or adopted her traditional rotary to please a new suitor. I often wonder if i am the only one who does this, if my shame is rightly justified, but then a discussion on the matter with this blogs co-writer uncovered that i am not alone!!
Simon recently found "Taz" again. His first true love i suppose, although its always rude to pry into another friends personal feelings! I remember spending time with them both, they were happy together. I even spent time alone with "Taz" when Simon wasn't around, and i could see why he had fallen for her. She was a MK1 Fiesta with a Lancia Beta tuned lump in the back, running twin DellOrtos. It sounded incredible.
With a snug racing seat and a howl from behind your ear, it had spirit, true character. Looking deeper you could see the love that had went into her. Those arches you see were not cheap plastic. Those are steel. The reason i bring this up is because the internet can be a painful tool. It opens wounds that should be left to heal. For instance, i personally found myself annoyed at the re-emergence of "Taz". She had changed...
She became something else with her new fella. The Lancia soul that made her so special (in my eyes) had gone, replaced with run-of-the-mill Ford boredom. For me, the rough and ready gurgle and unpredictability of the Lancia lump gave it the spark, that connection that bonds you with a car. I think "she let herself go", frankly! Got lazy with her new fella. It does tug at the soul though. I imagine that if i could have bought it i would have. Took her back and returned her to the former glory of Lancia power. But then, am i getting it wrong? Simon often mentioned a desire for a different power source, perhaps 5 pot craziness? Maybe the love i felt for another mans fancy, isn't the same love he felt? Best to do what i have done, and stay out. I decided to keep to the strategy adopted over many years and many cars worth of experience. It goes like this....
I had a Mini. I sold it to fund the first Supra in fact. It never went far, in fact, it ended up staying across the road from a place i used to work. The person i sold it to sold it on, and so on and so on... until the last owner simply ran out of money. It sat in the street and slowly died. First the Tahiti Blue broke out in rust, then the suspension deteriorated and it sat funny. Arches got stolen. Chrome-work pitted. It lay as a constant haunt to me. Always looking to me as i left work, blaming me for letting breaking up with her, pushing to the life she now had to lead. I honestly felt such guilt, i was glad when i left that workplace for good. No longer would i have to drive past and be reminded of my own callousness. I never did find out what became of her.
That taught me that selling cars is a complicated business for me. I cant let go in the same way as most car folks do. I always question why i sold up, whether if a few years down the line, and with a different mindset, if things could have been different. Many people no doubt feel that with women. The post breakup denial or whatever. I just get it worse with cars! I question whether if me and a car go back together it would work out?
It wouldn't. Come on, it never does with women, does it? So I adopted the only strategy I could. No, I don't murder them, but I do put as much distance as I can between us. Take the Supra. No, not the grey first love. The ultimate.
To use an Antipodean expression, it was the ducks guts. Nearly 400 horses, a straight 6 twin turbo monster. It was my holy grail, my ultimate Supra. The car everyone wondered why i hadn't owned by that point in my life. She was perfect.
Well, not quite. She gave me an auto STD. The more time I spend with her, the more it cost me. I got boost-crazy. Chasing more and more power, I had to stop and be logical. "At this point in my life, can I keep doing this?" The answer was no. If I was to wring any more power from her, it would cost me thousands, not hundreds. We had our fun, but we had to part ways. I couldn't see her broken for parts, or with some twazzock behind the wheel with 19 inch chrome alloys on her. She had been perfected by me; to see any change in that would break my heart. This would be the key to a strategy I had perfected with experience. I sold her to a foreign buyer. The strictest instruction to not let me know what would be her fate was put as a clause in the deal. I left the relationship on a high.
The same fate found the RX3. We finally parted ways when I was broke, trying to fund a floundering business. She went to New Zealand, last I heard. As far as I'm aware, she made it too...I know that no matter how much it hurts, I wont have the soul crushing disappointment of seeing her painted luminous green with viper stripes.
If I have a relationship with a car is so strong, and so meaningful, I now find it too hard to see "her" with other people. The distance helps, but its not perfect. But what will happen to my current menage?
...the AW11? The flings we have together on remote back roads, the time I have spend on her handling and looks? She is my perfect AW11, the fourth I have owned and with any luck my last. I promised myself she would be a keeper. 2 years later and the love is still strong. I wont break up with her...I cant bring myself to. But what about:
...the Camaro? My first yank muscle. A car that once finished will rival the AW in tailored perfection. Every component checked or replaced to hone it to the muscle car I want it to be. A process that has taken so long i don't have a full length decent picture of it!! I cant say these cars will be the last cars I will ever own. I'm 30, barely started in my automotive legacy. But the thought of losing them after so much work going into them tugs at my soul. I one day hope to own a Cobra, or a 4x4. I keep hankering after Legacy's or Imprezas, I go on random eBay trawls for weird and wonderful cars, and find my eyes straying like a married mans eyes would to a young lady. I actually think "Oh no,what if the Camaro caught me looking at a Fox body Mustang.....". Madness.
I guess the only option is to adopt the Jay Leno approach. Never sell another car again, so as to allow my soul respite. There is another woman who will be a deciding factor in that though. Not a Camaro, Corvette, Supra or Mini, but the real woman in my life. The one who has to endure me coming home with dipstick on my collar, scents of gearbox oil in my hair, and scratches on my back from a garage floor. My wife to be, AKA the "car widow"....
Her exact words? "I'm concerned I'll never get a look in if you're going to have so many other women in the garage to 'maintain'. But whatever makes you happy..."
There is hope for me yet. If only the other "women" in my life were as sympathetic...
